older, as to how many people they have had sex with, I say that how old they So a man can use that as a measuring stick all he wants, but the reality is he may forever be getting false data. Alex, who exactly is the owner of this superior mind that you speak of? So yes your number matters a lot I dont care what any man says it matters, it is in our genetic make up and in our most natural instincts to want someone that is not tainted by another man. Whats up bro? Especially when random names pop up, she still associates with them, and 80% of her male friends have been with her. You make an excellent point and I wanted to leave the door open to a separate post that would address the trust issue as well as the why she has slept with so many men. Im careful, clean and single,,,and always manage pretty alright. They are hard limits for a reason. Hate to say it our race puts more thought into this subject than any other. to be selective in whom they chose for a mate. Men getting around has pretty much been accepted as it is. least. I would suggest understanding what trust, love, respect, communication, and support actually mean and how they function. So its reasonable to treat number of partners as risk factor it seems. Do you know that DNA from every Man U sleep with gets in your blood and stays in it for a very long time? These are the things that are going to be Do you know women feel the same about men sometimes. Sure, they can lie but I have always found the real number later and left them. Some people will still make a big deal out if it. That just tells men you will move onto the next best thing when it comes to you. Well, let me tell you what i mean She used to introduce me to her exs here and there and i had no problems with thathowever, she met one of my exs once and I was in the dog house for a week, verbal abuse beyond verbal abuseIt was ok for her to flirt because she wasnt going to have sex with them, but if i even looked at a girl or talked to a girl or commented about a girl in a movie a week of hell would start!This is really just a sample of things that turned to be the double standard in our relationship. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Hey Mike. He settled down and married his partner, Gabriella Wesberry, in 2010, the same year that Simply Red broke up after two and half decades together. Women need to get it together!!!! If you want to examine the paper, look it up yourself. Amen brother. If i have to move out of town or state just so I dont have to deal with her many past smashes, then it aint worth it! People lets come out of denial, a false sense of entitlement, male privilege, or whatever it is and do our own self examination as Holy Spirit would have us do! insert kylo ren meme here. You would have to be in it to understand. Its only because it does matter to us that we may not want I'm looking for ways to reflect on this situation so I can movie forward in not let my toxic behavior leak out. Some males like feeling dominated. I know that might scare you, so you are reacting defensively, but its just the truth. 6. Its not a try, its simply a fact. Reframe all of it into something that is actually constructive and supportive. A lot of men would have a problem respecting and trusting a woman that is currently on or has been on the "hoe stroll" as you call it. Apparently he is still not over his Ex and he never will be. before automatically being a jerk and walking away. Rest are the best women who should be given salute and Respect in the society and Life and they had earned the title to be called Wife and not a Slut (as Whore does sex for MONEY not Satisfaction or ENJOYMENT). And yes, I enjoy educating the ignorant, such as yourself, on such topics. Take that Woman, Do as I say and not as I do double standard mindset and flush it down the toilet! They want a woman, someone different than they are. One would have to define perfect first. This continued for 9 years or sountil one night having dinner with colleagues and i mentioned that i knew a lady that worked at a department store and she could get a discount for some one at the table.I was torn to pieces in front of everyone and humiliated! Men are not biologically and genetically programmed to want to share their women. Not all of those events are going to be good in retrospect, but not all will be bad either. I did and am again. What I am saying is I dont feel it is best to allow that to overshadow everything else that is great about this woman and the fact that you believe she is best from you (aside from a possible past you arent too happy about). Who has moved. And, if we try to claim that we haven't ..then, guess what? She loves you, and regardless of how anybody else wants to view her, it only matters how you view her. Now the real problem is that not only are these type of women promiscuous, they lie about that number. Women whether it be in the past, or in modern times, created an image that they must live up to. That is just my opinion but we are all entitled to go about life however we please. It does not matter if a women thinks average is great, or claims that, it only matters that in our male mind we dont like feeling insecure with the women that should make us feel secure every time we engage in the most intimate of acts with her for the rest of our life. whether or not she has a(n) std(s)) is very important concerning the number of partners that she's had but if a woman tells a man that she's slept with 3 men and neglects to add the 0 at the end of that, she's being dishonest and that violates the principle of another post that you made (4 keys to starting and maintaining a successful relationship) previously. & What makes it worse is even most women have adopted this way of thinking ! But if that matters to you then thats your preference. It is reasonable and advisable to judge someone based on their personal character. Doesnt make it right, but remember, thats the flip side of a double standard. We all spout platitudes about what our beliefs are, and often, these can be idealized versions of who we wish we were. Men are not exempt! I disagree that promiscuity is what has caused the highest divorce rate America has ever seen. But if you only had one burger, that one burger would be your set standard. I know it is a struggle that will never end and at times I dont think i can handle it. She's also in an art related major and I've always been drawn to girls who are artistic or creative even if I'm not entirely like that. Society is emotionally drained because of this ignorant behavior. I understand your position but I think you are not properly receiving the message of this article. Saying that a woman should have a low number of partners is out of sync with reality. Anyway, enough of that. If you couldnt deal with your problems then, how is somebody else suppose to trust you with that later? You make a very good arguement and I like how you articulated it. To me in some case it shouldnt matter because everyone has had their wild period, but at the same time you dont want a person where everywhere you go folks are like, YoI hit that I dont care who you are, that hits home and you start to question your choice in boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife. Its just societal ideals and norms. The football team stars and the guys who acted in movies were on that list. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Its not the most important factor. Its useful to be willing to be flexible about things in a relationship, to reconsider your views and desires and try new things. Relationships are important, and looking at the PAST, how someone hasyou know/actually/ lived their lives tells you a lot about them. She says that she really wants me to know the truth about her past and how many people she slept with. Just settle because the other person isnt perfect. Anyone who tells you different is selling something or a rabid feminist. Ive been with one man-my ex-husband. By his personality it doesn seem that he is a virgin either. In choosing a partner for a relationship, matches up character and values is very important. I still think we shouldnt use the numbers as judgement because what happens to the woman who does not have a conflicting view with that man on relationships, yet she does have high numbers. Hello Stephan, thank you for answering me. Thats it! Those who feel the need to take this approach typically have some deeper issues they are not properly addressing. This month marks the 20th anniversary of Elizabeth's return home and on this week's episode of All In, we speak with Chris Thomas who acted as spokesperson for the Smart Family throughout their entire experience in searching for Elizabeth. Its more than you have. So you may want to take a deeper look in trying to understand the problem and how to better approach it. Or is it just society told you to have a problem with that? I have observed and had manydiscussions withmy female friends, colleagues, andwomen ive dated, as well as read the facebook & twitter posts of women I am less familiarwith but know thata few of my friends are VERYfamiliarity with. Most men dont want to marry a person who is in effect a man with a vagina. Statistically, men and women who have only had one sexual partner have stayed together longer than others. Copyright The Student Room 2023 all rights reserved. Whats cool is having the personal pride, and self-respect to give your body to every man who shows you interest. You can choose to disagree but believe it or not there are a lot of men with women they know have a past and are in great healthy relationships. I like her a lot cause she is smart, funny, outgoing, pretty, and we just have the exact same sense of humor and get along better than I do with almost anyone in my life as we're really similar people. That's pretty low for a guy". Secondly, men want to marry women who have not slept with a How is she wrong for engaging in adult like activity with another consenting adult? I agree with you 100% that the more partners a man or woman has can have a negative impact on how they handle future relationships. I dont thing something is wrong with a man who does not like the idea of competing with a womans past. On the other hand. As far as Im concerned, he is the only man I can get sexually aroused by. Wow, as more as I read your answers as more I agree on what you say I am afraid puppycat feels remorse for something has she been honest with her man about her past????? I have those same tendencies, but as a female. It was 5 And no, the man is not estimating. Hes not stating that women are divorcing because they cheat. And, dude, Im going to say this to you, and then Ill be signing off. Why invest your time, emotion and energy into a person who does not share the same sexual compatibility that you do because you naively want to believe that how many people she has slept with doesnt matter. Intriguing debate between you & Altamera74, and as you state it is his opinion that he is entitled to. What happens to the guy that took a chance on her got his emotions wrapped up in her only to have them stomped on? The past is relevant to understanding who the person was and now is. This stems from the fact that historically sex has always been more expensive for women (i.e., they can get pregnant, have to go through nine months of pregnancy, experience potentially life-threatening childbirth, and then have to raise the child once it is born) while a man can simply move on after a romp in the hay; especially back on the African savannah. The West is the last, civilized group that needs to comment I see what you're saying about burning the toxic feelings and I agree 100% I want to get rid of them and out of this mindset very badly and even from what I've read thus far this thread and people input have helped me to frame my thoughts a lot. So his sexual experience would be plus for him.but a lot of men, theyll have sex with a woman whos been Around the blockbut most will be hesitant to Wife her. My wife has been much more sexually active than I have. Ok. You can choose to believe what you want, naturally. have the ability to make the best choices for herselfimpulse control I do agree that this topic deserves a lot of attention because I think people on both sides of the arguement have something positive they can learn or take away from this. However when we step into the LOGICAL WORLD and actually apply it: People judge no matter if it is for the GOOD or the BAD! Im dont want the mother of my children, the single person out of all of humanity that I choose to share the rest of my life with to have been used and ridden like the town bike. Indeed, while the data presented in The Marriage Project's 418-person study is legitimate, experts say that the conclusions drawn from it -- especially those which cast judgement on one's sexual history and incite sentiments of slut-shaming -- may not be entirely accurate. If you are confident, you will be more understanding of others. As far as what does she have to give, my answer is her love, support, and the happiness that she provides. I understand the value of myself, we all make mistakes, but the underline issue is not excused for neither party. What I noticed about these two women as well as my female friends and colleagues is that women who have had a large number of sexual partners often have different values and a different outlook onrelationship behaviorthan those that have not. Women are no different than men. If she has had just a single partner before me, it could be hard to find out whether she is still in love. I Dont see it as passing judgement. Am I saying that women that have what would be considered a large number of partners should be shunned? YOU WOULD OWN THAT SHIT. I totally agree with what youre saying and how history is a big part of the males ideals when it pertains to women and what they should and shouldnt do in reference to sex, vocation, etc. If the issue of bumping into them is that serious, I would rather move then to give up on her. If she communicates she wants or needs something different than what you want, thats okay. I dont think its for me to judge anyone. -Choices have consequences These women get raped abused and have stupid parents who dont pay close enough attention when raising little girls. respect and honor themselves. This makes sense. Dont get mad if needs/wants change. The Era of female double standards is drawing to a close. Most people have not and this applies to both men and women. Thank you for sharing that Justina I really appreciate your willingness to do that. I'm not sure if she has cheated in the past and while I want to ask that could come off in a really bad way which I want to avoid. Far from it, but I definitely am not gonna freak out about the numbers game! Women, she says, tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness. Because the why rather than the number of men is what really should be discussed in order to better understand who this woman has been and has become. eliminated the need to be selective by being careful in terms of sex, due to I agree totally. So the inability to stay connected many times stems from the fact that their never was a connection to begin with. Now i am hurt. 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